I feel like going beyond criticism if I start with a sort of disclaimer about my writing or showing the potential reader that I am self-reflexive and self-conscious when I am writing about something. “We love blogging” is a very young platform. Number of visitors and readers to this site is very little. Surprisingly this gives me a sort of courage. Not that so many readers will read my piece nor will this incur much criticism. I feel safe when I am less read. Writing might make the lockdown days somewhat easier, is what motivated me to start writing and publishing in a smaller scope. Yes, disclaimer ends here.
As it is disclaimed, it should not be expected that I will write about some “know-how”s which might help one to overcome the sense of meaninglessness and purposelessness during this COVID 19 time. What has gone through over my mind during this time is my preoccupation rather. And if it matches with someone that is not coincidental but that is very normal as we are living in the identical time of crisis and survival scenario.
Now that I have raised the expectation of the readers, it is time to disappoint them. It has always been difficult to write about what has actually gone through our mind. For the first few day I felt like I have got a long overdue vacation. I will spend my time not knowing what I am doing.
In the meantime omnipresent news about COVID has already broken my peace of vacation. I go to sleep with palpitated heart and also wake up in the morning with the same. Body muscle starts to ache for the limited mobility it is allowed.
Everything seems pointless and meaningless. I start to read The Shape of Things to Come .But I go nowhere. After reading few pages I feel like can it help me in inventing a vaccine? The books in the bookshelves have lost their value in the face of Corona. Especially books on Arts and Humanities I presume. I started to think about reading HSC Biology books which I had read. The chapter on virus and the images of viruses with their body parts explained seemed only meaningful knowledge I have ever read.
I started to forget what I do as a profession. I also forget that “we are what we repeatedly do”. What I repeatedly do is just eating, sleeping and worrying about possible corona virus infection and how it might bring misery to all of my family.
During the time of uncertainty you cannot do what you are supposed to do. Some people can. They can escape and transport themselves to other world through reading books, Netflixing, games etc. Lucky they must be. But for my case, if I start to watch a movie I feel like I might miss some updates about corona. I feel eternally attached to the knowledge of ever changing corona scenario all over the world. And I became a fan of NBC nightly news which I have never watched for once previously in my life.
Then one day I feel that whatever the situation is, we should continue doing what we are supposed to do. To do those things that make us what we are. Artists do things that make them artists, scholars do things that make them scholar, mothers do things that make them mother. A mother cannot stop being a mother just because of the uncertainty engendered by COVID 19. So I started doing things that I am supposed to do. And it brought peace of mind. I could not sleep peacefully before.
Yes we know the viral saying of “one day we all will die” (Ekdin toh morei jabo), so what’s the point of doing that or this. It’s true that we all are going to die, if not by a virus but by death itself. But the point is as long as we are alive, live to the possibility of what we might be, live to the present what we are. We don’t have to wait for death to come. Death is already waiting for us. We need to let life take over us each and every moment. Especially during the time of life threatening crisis. Live to the moment.
Photo Credit: Towfiqur Rahman